During the last year, I prioritized academics because of my GPA contingent job offer. But I was still working, still trying to be a good girlfriend (and maintain the related social circle that in no way overlapped with the business school or law school), still trying to be a good daughter and sister, etc. I was trying to do too many things.
I decided that meeting the GPA contingency of my job offer would be the priority. So I had to say no to many things. People were disappointed. And there’s nothing that bothers me more than disappointing people. Their disappointment compounded the stress and worry over the job offer and what ensued was a downward spiral of disappointment, stress, and discouragement. Everywhere I turned, there was a friend or a family member telling me (impliedly or explicitly) that I had let them down.
I will never be all things to all people, especially now. I can hardly keep my own household in order or find time for reflection in these pages, let alone attend to the many unanswered messages or declined invitations.
A very wise classmate of mine recently posted a tweet about the rudeness of failing to reply to e-mails. I cringed. There are hundreds of unanswered e-mails in my inbox. There are many unanswered voicemails. There are even more declined invitations. I would very much like to hide under a rock. This particular tweet has been weighing heavy on my mind all day.
I am wondering how I can do a better job making sure the people in my life know they are in my thoughts and cared about. I tried to get started on returning calls this weekend and, after three hours had only managed to check a parent, grandparent, and best friend off of my list. There are so many others to contact, but not enough time if I keep up with the bar exam study schedule.
I suppose that I could have returned a couple emails in the time that I drafted this blog post. That would have been a start. Here’s hoping I can shake the little raincloud of self-pity and find a new routine some time soon.
Read the full article: Pulled to Pieces