I’ve always thought of myself as relatively progressive when it comes to comparative earning potential in a relationship between a man and a woman. I have always assumed that I would always work and that my salary would equal that of any future husband. I even thought I would be okay with a stay-at-home-husband. I assumed this because I’ve always been the kind of girl who splits the bill. It’s only fair, right?
Well, that warm-and-fuzzy, egalitarian feeling slipped away pretty quickly once I started footing the entire bill for an unemployed bf. As soon as I started paying 100%, it started bothering me when I felt like he wasn’t trying hard enough (by my standards) to find a job. I was frustrated when he found the money to go out drinking with the guys, but couldn’t find the money to cover other basic expenses. Now, after nine long months, the situation makes me angry all of the time.
Does my bother, frustration and anger make me an ugly person? I think/hope there is a difference between a stay-at-home-husband (who presumably does something at home to contribute to the team effort) and my unemployed bf. I think/hope I’m still open to the idea of being the breadwinner. I question how long I can help out bf before I cross that line and become a sucker (most days, I feel like this has already happened). But, often, the grey little raincloud that has been following me around gets its way and I start thinking it’s a lot easier to be conventional and expect your bf/husband to be the breadwinner or at least to be able to cover his half.
I’m not sure this post has much of a point.
Reader Poll: In this crazy economy, how long would you wait for your bf/gf to get it together and find a job (or, if not get a job, just start making financially sound decisions) under the circumstances I’ve described?
Advice? Thoughts? Observations?
Read the full article: Money and Men
