Every week there is someone new shaming me for not yet having a ring on my finger. Most recently, it was a nail technician (a pedicure was months overdue… callouses like whoa).
NT: You married?
P2P: Nope.
NT: *squinting so as to bring my faults into clear focus*
P2P: *not taking the bait*
. . . .
P2P: *hoping to wait it out*
NT: How old are you?
P2P: 30
NT: *concerned eyes like saucers* Tsk, tsk, tsk.
After a line of questioning that left me feeling like I was in a deposition, not a nail salon, her diagnosis had something to do with caring too much about money. This is how older women cope when the grand inquisition hits upon the dual grad degree thing. It appears there could be no other rational explanation for a woman spending so many years in school!
Many of my single cohorts are frustrated by these conversations because they are convinced that marriage and motherhood aren’t part of their fulfillment equation. But these conversations are equally frustrating to me as a person who really would have liked to have been married more than five years ago (however irrational that sentiment may have been in my early to mid twenties).
With due respect to the nail tech, she’s wrong. It’s not about money. I got myself here by staying in relationships long after they had reached their expiration date. I’ve often known that things weren’t right, recognized the problem, but held on hoping to make things work no matter how miserable it might make me in deference to what I saw as a far worse outcome: being exactly what I am today.
How does it feel to be living the life my 20 year old self envisioned as a worst-case scenario? Pretty great, actually. I have a job that is occasionally interesting. I have only a few chronic health problems. I have a roof over my head. I’ve traveled to interesting places. For this life to be my worst-case scenario I am truly blessed.
The worst part is that I’m lonely. Really lonely. That isn’t great. But it could be much worse.
[Must laugh because, while writing this post, I just received a "We're engaged!" text from a friend.]
Read the full article: In Knots