About seven years ago, I sat down with some colored pencils to draw a little something for my then-boyfriend who had a fondness for penguins. I can’t remember the occasion. A birthday? Christmas? Just because? I snapped a photo of the drawing before giving it to him:
I’ve been thinking about him a lot lately. (My new surroundings were his college stomping grounds.) Life hasn’t been as simple and joyful since we were together, and I miss that. There are so many happy moments from those years that I can remember in extraordinary, sometimes excruciating, detail.
Recently, someone sent me a link to his wedding webpage. He is getting married at 30–just like his teenage self had planned. Nothing about it or her was surprising.
The surprise came later that same night, in yoga class, when Coldplay’s Warning Sign came over the studio sound system. The alligator tears started when Chris Martin sang “the truth is, that I miss you so…. And I’m tired.” Tired, if not exhausted.
I miss the friend who lived so many of my favorite moments right alongside me. But, even more, I miss the simple things that made me truly happy. Those tears were an acknowledgement of how unexpectedly hard, complicated and tiring I’ve allowed the intervening years be. I’ve accomplished a lot but rarely given myself permission to be happy since we parted ways. I want that to change.
Read the full article: Happy Feet